You are not a true Southerner if ...
There happens to be a certain person among my acquaintances who avidly declares themselves to be a Southern. I, however, have always secretly doubted the validity of such a claim. The other day, all such doubts were completely justified when this person asked me what a scuppernong was. It was at this moment that I made an important decision (actually, I’m not so sure it was me making a decision as it was me realizing a fact that has been true since before the foundations of time) : If you don’t know what a scuppernong (or a muskadine) is then you are not a true Southerner.
If you are at this moment losing heart because you don’t know what a scuppernong or muskadine is and the reality that you are not a true Southerner is harshly gripping you, don’t despair ... Jesus still loves you. However, you are NOT a Southern; accept the facts and move on.
Also, you’re extra Southern if you know the difference between a scuppernong and a muskadine ... and definite bonus points for me for being able to spell them.
p.s. Microsoft Word is not Southern ... it doesn’t acknowledge muskadine as a word ... such a shame.
There happens to be a certain person among my acquaintances who avidly declares themselves to be a Southern. I, however, have always secretly doubted the validity of such a claim. The other day, all such doubts were completely justified when this person asked me what a scuppernong was. It was at this moment that I made an important decision (actually, I’m not so sure it was me making a decision as it was me realizing a fact that has been true since before the foundations of time) : If you don’t know what a scuppernong (or a muskadine) is then you are not a true Southerner.
If you are at this moment losing heart because you don’t know what a scuppernong or muskadine is and the reality that you are not a true Southerner is harshly gripping you, don’t despair ... Jesus still loves you. However, you are NOT a Southern; accept the facts and move on.
Also, you’re extra Southern if you know the difference between a scuppernong and a muskadine ... and definite bonus points for me for being able to spell them.
p.s. Microsoft Word is not Southern ... it doesn’t acknowledge muskadine as a word ... such a shame.
posted by caldwell at 5:04 AM
5 Comments:
You will be happy know that Papa and Grandma Luther have small scuppernong vineyard, and they make some mean scuppernong wine.
You may also find it interesting that our own Noel disputes the existence of scuppernongs, though I'm not sure he would claim to be a southerner anyway (I could be wrong on that).
Well, guess I'm not Southern. Darn.
vroeg... you're from frickin' colorado. when were you ever claiming to be from the south?
Ms. Caldwell, is your boyfriend a southerner?
what if we know the difference, yet don't claim to be southern?
can i get some extra credit?
Post a Comment
<< Home